


Be Brave, Be Proud

by thejollymilano



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Lives, Fluff and Angst, Fools in Love, M/M, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie x Eddie, r + e
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 02:36:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20575040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejollymilano/pseuds/thejollymilano
Summary: Be who you want to be. Be proud || Eddie survives the final battle, and Richie is faced with overcoming his insecurities to be proud of who he is, and who he wants to be.





	Be Brave, Be Proud

**Author's Note:**

> [I suck at summaries, sorry!]
> 
> I forget if Richie said “hey, you sloppy bitch” or what he said exactly but I’m just gonna roll with it. I also tweaked the dialogue a little bit in the flashback. I also reference to the 90’s adaptation of It near the end (by Richie calling Eddie by some of his famous nicknames like “Eddie Spaghetti” and “Eddie my love” as a little nudge to the og It)
> 
> For my friend @kxbooms for constantly encouraging and supporting me. This one's for you!

The first thing that Eddie felt when he woke up was the pounding in his head. He opened his eyes groggily, bright white walls blinding him. He started coughing, a dull ache in his chest making him wince. He looked down to try and get a better look at what was causing him so much agony, only to see his chest wrapped in gauze and that he was wearing hospital-issued robes.

“What the hell?” His throat felt dry, but his attention was quickly adverted to his right hand. There was another hand lying on top of it, one that wasn’t his own. He looked over to his right, and saw none other than his favorite Trashmouth snoozing in an uncomfortable chair, his legs stretched out as his body slumped over the side slightly. Eddie’s lips quirked up at the sight, noting the drool that was slowly dripping from the corner of Richie’s mouth. Wanting answers but feeling disdainful about interrupting his rest, Eddie softly squeezed Richie’s hand.

“Rich? Hey - um, Richie?” He spoke softly, and Richie jolted awake, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Eds?” He slurred, but as he realized what was happening, he jumped in his seat, suddenly alert and reached for his glasses on the nightstand. “_ Holy shit. _Eddie!”

Richie leapt from the chair and leaned over the bed, trying to be mindful of Eddie’s injuries as he embraced him. His eyes filled with tears of relief as he gripped his shoulders.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Eddie laughed, but his heart swelled when he felt Richie burrowing his nose into his shoulder. “Shit, man. You’re acting like you accidentally kicked your puppy.”

Richie sat up sniffling, but remained on the edge of the bed. He cupped Eddie’s face with his hands, and a dark glint flashed through his eyes.

“Don’t you ever, ever, _ ever _ fucking do that to me again,” His voice cracked on a few syllables but he tried to keep it as steady as possible. He needed Eddie to know just how much this affected him. “You scared the hell out of me, you fucking asshole.”

Eddie, who was originally going to tell a joke to lighten the mood because Richie was acting so unlike himself in this moment, saw the seriousness and devastation in the eyes of the man he’s secretly loved for years; the joke died on his lips, and instead, he pulled Richie down for another hug.

“Don’t worry, Rich, I don’t plan on it,” Eddie mumbled into his shoulder after a few moments passed. “My chest hurts so fucking bad right now, it feels like your mom just sat on me.”

Richie sat up again, laughing this time while tears were still in his eyes, “Oh, please. I-” whatever wise ass comment he was going to make was stopped short as Eddie started coughing again. “Eds? Eddie, are you okay? Shit, I’ll go get the doctor. I should go get help-”

The roles were switched as Richie quickly ran out of the room, rambling about his well being, only to return a few moments later with a nurse.

As the nurse did his job, check up on Ed, and gave him all the information he’d need about what was damaged, the best route to recovery and recommended prescriptions, Eddie for the first time ever felt himself focus on something other than the clinical part of it all. Instead, his attention kept focusing on Richie, who for the first time ever was actually listening to the med talk, and was nodding along to everything the nurse was saying.

“- You can be discharged in two days. We just want to keep an eye on you for a few days, make sure you’re stable and ready to get back on your feet, and that recovery will be smooth,” The nurse finished his talk, and Eddie’s attention (_ begrudgingly) _ snapped back into place. “Do you have any questions?” When they both shook their heads (which Richie looked incredulously at Eddie for), he left the room.

“I never thought I’d live to see the day where Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t bombard us all with a million ‘facts’ and questions about medicine,” Richie teased.

“And I never thought I’d live to see _ you _suddenly interested in it,” Eddie snorted.

Richie’s demeanor changed and he switched his weight from one leg to the other, “You almost didn’t.”

“Rich …” Eddie didn’t know what to say. He could still feel the fear he felt when he saw Richie floating in the air, the pain as claw that stabbed through his chest - the impact events of the last few days was crashing down on him, but he could see how devastated Richie was.

“No, you don’t get it? You see?” Richie anxiously ran his hands through his hair. “I had to watch that _ motherfucking clown _stab you. You have no idea how scared I was, Eds, when you were barely breathing. When Ben and I dragged you out of that God forsaken house, I thought you were dead! I thought you were dead, and I-I-I didn’t know what to do!” He stuttered and blood rushed to his cheeks, tainting them pink as he passionately ranted. 

He stopped pacing the foot of Eddie’s bed, his mouth gaping wide as he struggled to find the right words. “Eddie, _ I need you _to understand how scared I was.”

“I know, man. I know-”

“If you had died, I would have lost it, man. I mean it. I would have gone bat shit crazy.”

“Like you are right now?” Eddie tested.

“Worse,” Richie tried hard not to grin, but failed miserably. “I can’t lose you. So you pull that ‘near death’ shit on me again, and I’ll kick your sorry ass. Kapeesh?”

Eddie smiled, “You got it. And not to ruin our moment,” He didn’t fail to catch the blush that had risen to Richie’s cheeks at this, and it wasn’t because of his hurt. “But I don’t remember much after being fucking tossed like a bean bag. Did we do it, did we win?”

“That fucker is gone, man,” He said proudly, menace stitching its way into his voice at the mention of Pennywise. “We did it. We won,” he echoed.

Eddie left out a relieved, heavy breath he didn’t realize he was holding. The _ thing _that’s been haunting them unknowingly for the last twenty seven years was finally gone; they could rest now.

“Where’s everyone else? I almost died, and they couldn’t leave a note?”

Richie chuckle, “They left a while after you came out of surgery. How else do you think you got this garden of Eden growing in this room?” It was then that Eddie had to look around the room and see that sure enough, all his friends had left him bouquets of his favorite flowers that were positioned all around to add some color to the dull room. How he hadn’t noticed them before was a mystery, but then he looked back at Richie and thought it wasn’t so odd that he hadn’t paid the flowers much attention. “They’re just getting their beauty sleep.”

“Speaking of which,” As if on cue, a yawn escaped Eddie’s lips. “That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. I’m beat!”

“Yeah, well being tossed around like a fucking kabob will do that to you,” Richie tsked, trying to make light of the situation, which seemed to work because Eddie let out a soft chuckle; a darkness still shadowed his eyes, however, making it known that seeing Eddie get hurt like that had traumatized him. “Get some rest, God knows you need it.”

“Speak for yourself. You look like shit.”

“I’m flattered, thank you. But I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, groaning as he shuffled in the bed. He patted the empty space beside him, “You need sleep too, Richie.”

He hesitated, his eyes flicking around their surroundings, trying to focus on anything else, “I don’t know if I can.”

“Pennywise is gone, you said it yourself. I’d say we deserved a good sleep for once,” he said earnestly. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Richie murmured under his breath, but it was still loud enough for him to hear. Eddie gave him a knowing look, and patted the bed again. His Trashmouth sighed before climbing under the covers with him.

The bed was rather small, which meant that they were pressed against each other’s hip, but despite all the odds and the hole in his chest, Eddie couldn’t have been more at ease. He could feel Richie still slightly tensed up, but gradually relaxed after a minute, and shimmied a little to get more cozy. As the minutes ticked by on the clock, Eddie felt himself begin to doze off; he leaned his head against Richie’s, and before he fell into a peaceful sleep, he felt another hand grab his own. With his heart thumping wildly in his chest because _ the man he’s secretly loved since they were kids was holding his hand _, he intertwined their fingers and forced himself to stay calm.

With Richie’s hand grasping his own like it was a life line, Eddie fell asleep with a smile painted on his lips.

_ The ground was shaking, Pennywise was roaring as he tried to claw his way to them, and he could distantly hear the Losers shouting Eds’ name, but he couldn’t focus on them. All his attention was on his dear friend, the man he loved, who was now laying on the ground with a hole in his chest and blood splattered across the ground. _

_ “ _ I fucked your mom, _ ” Eddie wheezed out, and Richie had to bite down on the inside of his cheek because dammit, only this man could make him laugh while a fucking crackhead clown was trying to turn them all into a Happy Meal. _

_ Richie didn’t want to leave his side, but he watched as their friends were doing everything they could to make the Ronald Mcdonald on steroids feel small. And boy, did he have a few things to say to that motherfucker. _

_ “Eds, listen to me. I’m gonna be right back, I’ve just gotta help the others kill this fucking clown. You think you could do me a favor and not die on me?” Richie waited until Eddie bobbed his head up and down before he joined the chaos once again. He turned around and shouted, “Hey, you sloppy bitch!” _

_ It was like a dream come true for Richie, insulting Pennywise like that. He took a lot of pride and pleasure in bringing him down, to torment him - make him feel a fraction of the trauma that he put them all through for the last twenty seven years. Part of him was scared at this side of him, but he knew it was long overdue. And it took a while, but eventually they watched as the source of one of their biggest sufferings disintegrated back into nothingness. _

_ When the coast seemed clear, and it seemed they finally, _ finally _ got him for good, Richie turned and ran back to Eddie. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his stilled body. He looked almost de- _

_ ‘ _ No, not dead _ ,’ he reprimanded himself. ‘ _ He’s not dead. He can’t be _ .’ _

_ He knelt by Eddie’s body and heard the others gasp when they saw him. _

_ “Eddie,” He shook his shoulder, unwanted tears springing to his eyes. “Eds, c’mon, we gotta go.” _

_ “Honey - honey, he’s gone,” He heard Bev say. _

_ “No! No, no he’s not!” He shouted, cradling Eddie’s body, wishing for him to wake up. “He’s not dead, we can still help him! We can still help him, please!” _

_ “We … We got to go!” _

_ Blood pounded in his ears, “No, guys! Guys, he’s not dead!” _

_ Mike crouched down beside him and reached out to Eddie, placing his fingers over his pulse point on his neck. _

_ ‘ _ Why the _ hell _ didn’t I think of that!? _ ’ _

_ “Richie’s right!” Mike exclaimed. “He - He’s got a pulse. It’s faint, but I can feel it,” He clasped a hand onto Richie’s shoulder comfortingly. “He’s alive.” _

_ “Then somebody help me, and let’s get the fuck out of here!” Richie sniffled, relief filling the spaces in his heart where sorrow didn’t occupy it. “Ben, help me! Please!” _

_ They all helped lift Eddie’s cold, limb body off the hard ground, and Ben picked up his legs while Richie carried his upper body. They broke into a run, desperate to get out of there as the walls came closing in. When it came to exiting the well, Richie waited with Eddie in the little crawl space until everyone else was up before tying it around him, and struggled while holding onto the rope and supporting Eddie at the same time. The rest of the Losers all tugged on the rope until they were safely over the top of the well, then they worked together to carry Eddie out of the house. When they all stumbled onto the sidewalk outside, covered in sweat, blood and grime, Richie collapsed onto his knees, holding Eddie close as they watched Neibolt house cave in on itself until nothing of their nightmare was left but weeds and tinder. _

_ It was over, at last. _

_ But they still had one more challenge to face. _

_ “W-We need to get him to a hospital,” Richie stuttered as Eddie’s blood drenched onto his own shirt. _

_ “Right,” Bill nodded frantically. “R-r-r-right. Okay, I’ll just - I’ll just-” _

_ “I’ll go call for somebody, it’s okay,” Mike stepped forward, patting Bill on the back before making a bee line for the closest neighbor’s front door. _

_ Richie’s breathing came out in heavy pants as exhaustion took over, but he refused to give in until he knew that Eddie would be okay. Carefully, he shuffled Eddie in his arms so that he could lovingly stroke his hair off his forehead. _

_ “You’re not allowed to die, Eddie Spaghetti,” He whispered. _

Two days after Eddie was released from the hospital, Richie decided enough was enough. He dug out his old bike that he reclaimed from the same shop Bill found his, and together, the two of them rode down memory lane once again. Only this time, they were going somewhere that wasn’t completely tainted by Pennywise - they were going somewhere that was pretty significant to Richie.

“Why the hell did you make me ride this damn old bike to the _ kissing bridge _?” Eddie panted as he struggled to pedal the bike as fast as Richie. “You know, I got stabbed like only a week ago!”

“My deepest apologies, Eddie my love,” Richie said in a British accent.

“Beep beep, Richie,” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, what are we doing here anyway?”

Richie stepped off his bike and let it fall to the ground, “Come here and I’ll show you.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fucking ominous at _ all _,” Eddie muttered but followed him anyway. They walked along the bridge in silence, Richie taking the lead, when suddenly he stopped abruptly and Eddie nearly ran into his back. “Rich … What are we doing here?” He asked again.

Richie tapped his foot anxiously, “Do … Do you remember the old Arcade? It’s shut down now, but I spent most of my time there during _ that _month.”

“Sure,” Eddie shrugged. “That place was basically your castle. How come?”

“Well, Bowers was there one time,” If his heart beat any faster, Richie thought it would burst from his chest. “And he- fuck,” He cut himself off nervously, remembering what Bowers had said to him that day (_ ‘Get out of here, you fucking fa-’ ‘Fucking move!’ _). “He made fun of me and scared me out of there.”

“Yeah, but that’s just Bowers. He always did stuff like that,” Eddie looked at him suspiciously. “Rich, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

“He was making fun of me because,” He let out a shaky breath. _ Here goes nothing _, “Because I was trying to get close to a boy,” Eddie froze. “A boy who turned out to be Bowers’ fucking cousin.”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” Richie echoed. “But that’s not - that’s not what I’m trying to get at here …” He rubbed his hand over his face before continuing, “When those shitheads yelled some gross slurs at me, I just _ ran, _ Eddie. I ran out of there so fast, and I didn’t know where I was going until I slumped onto a bench in the park. There I - well, I got chased by a motherfucking giant-” he heard Eddie gasp ‘ _ what?!’ _ “- but that’s another story for another time. I realized that day that I didn’t have eyes just for any boy.”

Eddie shifted on his feet, his face slightly pink.

“You see, there was this boy,” Richie took a step forward, closing the distance between the two of them. “Kinda nerdy, if you ask me, but I found it cute. He went crazy whenever I teased him - which was constantly, or when I did my British accent - which was also constantly,” Another step. “He carried two fanny packs around, and why he needed two still makes me wonder to this day. And he’d go on and on about this fucked up disease that some lady from New York got because of a _ hangnail - _ it would drive me nuts when he did this. And there was no one, _ no one _ who challenged me as much as he did, especially when he’d put his gross socks in my face when I would be hogging the hammock for too long,” at this point, they were standing so close to each other that air could barely pass through. Eddie looked up at him, a blush on his cheeks. “Do you know who I’m talking about, Eddie?” He nodded. “Humor me.”

“Who?” Eddie gulped, though he already knew the answer.

Instead of answering with words, Richie grabbed his hand and lead him over to the wooden railing of the bridge that was littered with carvings of people’s names inside of hearts. He pointed to a carving that was faint, both due to insecurity driving him to carve it lightly and because of the time that had passed since, but still it read R + E. 

“It’s you, Eds,” He spoke softly. “It’s always been you. And I should’ve done this years ago, I know that, I just … Growing up the way I did and then Bowers, I- I tried to ignore who I was. I figured that if I could even _ pretend _to be someone else, then maybe I’d eventually believe that I wasn’t in love with you,” Eddie’s head perked up, his eyes looking away from their initials at that. “And seeing you getting hurt like that? Holding you in my arms when you were barely alive?” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you’d died, Eddie. And I don’t want to waste any more time trying to hide who I am, when I could be happy with you.”

Richie stopped speaking to finally breathe in a deep breath of air, and a silence fell upon them as Eddie digested everything that he had just said. He nervously shuffled on his feet again and scratched his head, “I understand if you don’t feel the same way. And you’re married, I - I don’t expect anything from you, but I just needed you to know, I -”

“Dumbass,” Eddie finally spoke.

“W-what?” Richie asked, looking at him completely dumbfounded.

“You fucking dumbass,” Eddie repeated, his face bright pink and eyes glossed over. “You seriously thought I was straight this whole time? Are you _ that _blind? Do you need new prescriptions for your glasses?”

“I-I-” Richie stuttered, and for the first time ever, he was completely lost for words. “What?”

“I have loved you for years,” Eddie grinned and cupped Richie’s face in his hands. 

“But your wife -” Richie was cut off when he lifted his hand to show that he wasn’t wearing his wedding band anymore.

“I filed for divorce papers the other week, just before I came back,” He shrugged, a proud smirk on his face. “It’ll take a while for the papers to go through, so I don’t know if it’s official yet or not, but yeah, we’re not _ together _anymore. But does that make this morally wrong? What about-”

It was Richie’s turn to cut off Eddie. He grabbed his face in his hands again (_ something he was quickly loving to do, and planned to do it again _) and placed his lips on Eddie’s. After the moment of shock had worn off, Eddie kissed back and wrapped his arms around his neck.

When they broke apart, they kept their foreheads touching and they both wore the goofiest grins on their faces, “_ I love you, _” they said in unison. 

Richie reached for his pocket knife, and pulled it out, kneeling down by their faintly carved initials. Their eyes connected and they shared another loving smile, and Eddie placed his hand on top of Richie’s as they re-carved their initials together, making sure the R + E stood out from the rest. Because they were both tired of hiding who they were, of lying to themselves. They didn’t have to be ashamed, and they weren’t delicate - they were both braver than they thought. _ And they were going to be who they wanted to be, and be proud of it. Together. _

** _THE END._ **


End file.
